Ok. The first post!!! I had to give myself a week' time for this because I didn't know what to discuss first! So many thoughts running through this brain of mine... The thing is, the week is gone and I still couldn't narrow it down... So, as a special, first post bonus (drum roll, please!) Double Topic Discussion! HA! I know you are all thrilled!! I am going to break this into 2 separate posts so that you can comment in the correct section. I am hoping that will help me to keep things straight in my own head.
So, with that said, here is topic #1:
How much different do you think our marriages would be if we treated our spouse as good as, or perhaps even better than we do our children? What would happen if we put our husband/wife first?? Their needs came first. How would our relationship be different??
I believe that we spend so much time catering to our children and so much energy raising them, and yes this is important, however, the one that we will spend the rest of forever with alone, after the children are gone, is the relationship that we tend to neglect the most! And another side to this... I also believe that we are raising future spouses. They are learning about marriage through our example, good or bad. Do you want your children to marry someone that treats them the way that we treat our spouse? Or the way our spouse treats us? In most cases, I would say, probably not! We want our children to marry someone that will love and adore them and treat them with the utmost love and respect, so why do we allow anything less in our own relationships???
I would like to put a challenge out there. I propose that we all take a week to analyze and watch our behavior with our spouse and see if we find ourselves treating them better or worse than our children. Let's even take it one step further. Make a log book where you can write down what you witness in your own home and also what you witness while in public with other couples. I would suggest keeping this book and using it as your journal as we make our way on this little journey! Keep track of your progress! Let's get honest with ourselves and see where we stand and then figure out how to correct our course.
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Encourage. Empower. Edify.
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- THINK E
- Think E!! Encourage. Empower. Edify. This blog was designed for the sole purpose of building and strengthening marriages and families, and helping people to see their full potential. I have heard many times that it is said that even the shyest person will impact 10,000 people in their lifetime. I want to start now making a huge impact for good in the world!! We all can lead a life of significance! Let's get there together and make a difference in our communities, country, around the world! Let's get everyone to be THINKING E!!
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11 comments:
One simple thought experiment I love to do with my couples in marital therapy: If your spouse acted exactly (I mean this literally, not even the slightest bit figuratively) like one of your children, how much latitude and understanding would you have for him/her?
We are much more prone to be understanding with our children than with our spouses. We claim this is because adults are held to a higher standard. Perhaps, but our love for adults is also much more conditional than we like to tell ourselves.
How much more would you love your children if they paid for themselves, helped you pay the bills, and kept a roof over your head or your house looking fantastic? See: conditions all over the place. There is a better way.
I have to say, Mr. Dread Pirate has an extremely valid point and one that will definitely be discussed in a future post, (so stay tuned) on the subject of unconditional love. Why are we so conditional with adults?? If our kids make a mistake, Do we still love them?? Absolutely!!! So, why do we hold such a different standard for the adults in our lives... Especially our spouse!
Yor questions brought forth a lot of differnt thought paths of my own. The first thing it reminded me of was a story from The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands where a woman noticed that she was actually more polite to the telemarketers who called during dinner then she was to her husband. When did we get this way?
I need to improve in this area. Number one being in haveing patiance for my spouse. It barely phases me when a child climbs all over me while I am trying to work, yet get so easily frustrated when my spouse NEEDS my attention for something when I am "busy" (usualy with something for the kids).
Goal for the week: To give my spouse the time he needs or wants with a smile.
It is interesting to me that I have observed that a spouse needs just as much nurturing as our kids do. It is important to continue to give reassurance and self esteem to our significant other, as well as praise and a pat on the back every now and then. I really think alot of marriages are missing that element, being the element of encouragement. We encourage our kids all the time, we could go so far as to say we are their cheerleaders! We should be cheerleaders for our spouses, too! I am going to cheer for my husband this week, and see what it brings to our relationship and see if it helps motivate him to accomplish what he needs to in order to be a good provider,husband and father ;)
I so love all the comments on this!! I am especially smitten with miss anonymous and her goal to be a cheerleader for her hubby!!! I think that is a fantastic point! I also love the thought of being a little more forgiving with our spouse!
I think the importance of making sure your spouse knows that he is #1 is extremely important. Especially when life takes over with soccer practice, homework, etc. etc...
Taking time for eachother is one of the best tidbits of advice given to me! I take it to heart and make sure that my husband knows that I love him the exact same way I did before the kiddos came along.
That is such a great challenge to sit and observe though. You never know just how much you could change your attitude and make your relationship that much better. Thanks!!!
I was just asked to give a talk on marriage at church this Sunday- so all of these comments are giving me some very good insight. I read in the book "The Ultimate Career" that we should always save our best for our families. I agree with the statement that we need to model the type of behavior we want our children to learn when it comes to the relationship we have with our spouse. The book goes on to say that if we make cookies for a neighbor- save some for your family, don't just clean your house for company- clean it for your family and it will always be clean for company. I have always struggled with treating others way better than my family and especially my husband. For me I think it comes down to the fact that I find safety and security in my marriage and I know that he loves me regardless and that he is forgiving of my shortcomings- I don't always believe this about others and I am such a people pleaser that I don't want to ever offend anyone- yet I can see that the way I treat my husband can sometimes be very offensive and that if this continued for a long period of time he may become less forgiving and sensitive. This year I started to write him a letter once a week. In them I reflect on the week or talk about my feelings or things that I haven't had time to discuss with him. It has made my feelings of love grow so immensley for him because it allows me to spend ten minutes thinking only about him. Although I have to admit that I wish he would do the same thing back sometimes because he is not a very open person, so I don't always know what he is thinking or feeling. Back to the discussion topic- I believe that we need to make our spouses our number one priority! I think if we spent all our energy in serving them and trying to make them comfortable and happy that we would lose a lot of the selfish desires that come with being human. My parents divorced and I desperately want to break that cycle in my own life and to help my children to have healthy relationships with their future spouses. I am going to try the challenge and see what insight it gives me. I look forward to reading more comments!!
OH and BTW......I meant to also add in my previous comment that in order to be our husbands cheerleader, we sometimes need to dress the part,too! A little creativity in a marriage will always help score extra points. A mini skirt and some pom-poms will score you extra points for sure ;)
Oh, miss anonymous! Laughing so hard, but you are so right on! Love it!!!!!!!!!
One hard part of marriage is letting what's happening outside of our family impact what is happening inside our family. As a stay at home mom, I deal a lot with people/friends etc on a daily basis. I don't know how many people I hear talking about their BFF's, and how many women I see spending ALL of their time during the week with friends, whether they are sitting at home all day or are gone all day. Although I feel that friends are necessisary for adults, our BFF should never be anyone besides our husband. We should NEVER spend more time with a friend than we do our spouse. It's worse than putting our children before our spouse. I don't know how many times I've heard my husband say "If you spent as much time as so-and-so with friends I would murder you" (joking about the murdering of course) But his point is valid. How would we as wives feel if our husband spent 98% of his time entertaining friends, instead of spending that time nurturing our family? Just a thought.
That is a VERY valid point, Leslie! Thank you for sharing!! I also see that so often. The other thing that I have witnessed in your same scenario is so often these women speak poorly of their husbands with their friends. Complaining about their weaknesses, whining about the irritations, etc. I would also challenge everyone to make sure that you never speak negatively about your spouse!!! EVER!!! And especially when they are not there! It is common and accepted in our society to speak down on, and "trash talk" our spouses... Lift them up and EDIFY them even when they are not there to hear it!! That is when it means the most!!!!!
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