This post is designed to go 2 ways. You can interpret what is written for your marriage or self development. Either way, the concept is the same.
My biggest impression this week is related to the topic of commitment. I have been feeling a lot of resentment towards society and media of late on this topic. It is the hot thing to "Do what you feel like". It is my opinion that this is causing an epidemic of fickleness and non-commitment. We are shown that if its not fun and isn't what we feel like doing or maybe isn't a smooth ride, well who cares!!! Just find something/someone new! Is it any wonder that people of this generation are expected to change careers (not jobs, but total career changes) 13+ times in their lifetime?
We are not expected to stick anything out! The same goes in our marriages! I mean, doesn't it?!?! Society tells us, "If your spouse is not keeping you in blissful oblivion, find someone who will." Why on earth take vows and make a commitment if you are leaving a back door open? How about we take a stand and work on improving and fixing the situation rather than giving up?? (Novel concept, I know!) Every challenge you have will strengthen you and is happening for a reason. "With the joy of great victories, comes the pain of great difficulties." -Leslie Wolgamott
On the topic of marriage and relationships, I have a thought to share. All growing up, we are almost brain washed to expect "happily ever after", are we not? We are waiting for our prince charming to come and sweep us off our feet... or our beautiful fair maiden to rescue and ride off into the sunset with. Are we not, in these theories, looking for the one that will make us happy for the rest of our lives? The problem is, we are thinking that love is this fabulous, wonderful, elated emotional high and we expect them to make us feel this way forever! WRONG!!! What about our own role in the situation!?! No one can make us happy! Margaret Maxwell stated (this is not an exact quote), "My husband John does not make me happy and he never will. I realized that I am responsible for making myself happy, and John adds to my happiness immensely!" We can choose our attitude. We can be happy if we choose to. I am sure everyone has heard this same theory.
What about love? I would challenge everyone to view love the same way. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. We CHOOSE to love someone. If we view love in this way, I believe that it will help many to make a re-commitment to their relationships. It then becomes our own responsibility and we have to take ownership of the situation, rather than waiting for the other person to make us feel loved and happy. "Be the change you want to see." -Mahatma Gandhi
A few quotes about commitment that I would like to share:
"Most people are as committed as a kamikaze pilot on his 50th mission." -Dave Severn That is a funny but true statement.
"The quality of a person's life will be in direct proportion with their commitment to excellence."
-Vince Lombardy
"Commitment is a character quality, not an emotion." -Dave Severn
"It ain't about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." -Rocky Balboa
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Encourage. Empower. Edify.
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- THINK E
- Think E!! Encourage. Empower. Edify. This blog was designed for the sole purpose of building and strengthening marriages and families, and helping people to see their full potential. I have heard many times that it is said that even the shyest person will impact 10,000 people in their lifetime. I want to start now making a huge impact for good in the world!! We all can lead a life of significance! Let's get there together and make a difference in our communities, country, around the world! Let's get everyone to be THINKING E!!
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9 comments:
Ha! My cousin and I were just talking about this on saturday. MArriage is so hard!! It takes a lot of work. People are always making it seem that you get married and it's perfect, and it is a happily ever after! They dont say how hard it is, and how much work it takes on both parties. And there are times you do want to give up! It is a learning process that is a constant up hill challenge. But it has wonderful rewards. I love all your quotes too.... thank you!!!! Love you!
Cuz- Ern!
I love the quotes, too! Believe it or not the Rocky one is the best, lol! It is so true, we may want to give up or walk away when things get rough, and lets be honest, things get rough alot in a marriage. But when you get through those rough times, the reward is amazing! It reminds me of exercise. We have to break down our muscle and re build it in order for it to get stronger. I am not saying we should fight and argue just to become stronger, but if it happens, we should realize our potential to be stronger as a union after. Commitment is key! The grass isn't always greener on the other side.....
This is something my husband and I talk about frequently, that people give up way too quickly. My mom had a quote hanging in her kitchen pretty much my entire growing up years it said "Love is a daily decision." and it is!! We have to choose to be loving and kind and show a willingness to work at our relationships especially marriage. We owe it to ourselves, our spouses and our children.
i would like to beg the differ... love is not a choice in all matters. You cannot chose to love someone, if you could then wouldn't you be forcing yourself to love them? I think happiness is a choice though. but not love. I think that if we loved someone that love is always there and we can chose to work on it and bring back feelings that were once there and maybe drowned out by anger or resentment over something. Which brings in happiness, we can chose what we let get to us and overpower our happiness. We can chose to be miserable or to look at the positive things in life and focus on those. Its all about what we put our focus on and direct our energy towards. We can chose to be happy but love is a feeling that needs constant nurturing and it needs happiness otherwise it can be lost, not gone, but lost... can be found again. It all depends on our willingness to forgive and be selfless. a successful marriage is a selfless marriage.
i am a horrible speller. exchange chose for choose lol
I think you can view it both ways. Either point has merrit. In my view, I see the word love as a verb. "I love her... She loves him...", etc. In this respect, as a verb, it is an action word. You have control and choice over your actions. You can choose to love someone just as you can choose to hate them, like them, etc. It is very much your decision, just as attitude and happiness are.
I love Tayna's quote:"Love is a daily decision." I think that hits the nail right on the head!
I cant tell you how refreshing this was to read. I am in complete agreement with everything you say here. A marriage is a union of not only just two people. I think that we as humans tend to neglect the accessories that come along with our "beings." I would chose to define them as emotions, baggage, insecurities, confidences, victories, failures, embarassments and all together the beauty that creates our uniqueness. Our Individual Worth. I love that you are doing this and can't express my appreciation enough. XX
i think a lot of times we focus too much on the "what ifs" rather than "what nows". these thoughts can be consuming, but why? we cannot control the "what ifs" in our life, but we CAN control the "what nows". if something isn't right - fix it. don't dwell on how you wish you COULD have married someone else or how you SHOULD have (fill in the blank).
cormac mccarthy talks about how we often fantisize on how our lives could be different and how the choices we have made may/may not have been the best ones:
"in our life we imagine there are crossroads. yet there is not. our decisions do not have some alternative. we may contemplate a choice but we pursure one path only. the log of the world is composed of its entries, but it cannot be divided back into them . . . that we may imagine alternate histories means nothing at all".
Amazingly written! You mentioned the Maxwells. I love to read his books and listen to his seminars. You can follow him with me on twitter. Im "frabaer" on there. Talk with me more often. We can share thoughts, encouragement, inspiration, motivation and more with others and with eachother to better everything by making better ourselves first and keep ourselves laser focused to achieve greatness in all we do. So keep in touch and email me or twitter often. I would love more input!
Nate
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