This post is designed to go 2 ways. You can interpret what is written for your marriage or self development. Either way, the concept is the same.
My biggest impression this week is related to the topic of commitment. I have been feeling a lot of resentment towards society and media of late on this topic. It is the hot thing to "Do what you feel like". It is my opinion that this is causing an epidemic of fickleness and non-commitment. We are shown that if its not fun and isn't what we feel like doing or maybe isn't a smooth ride, well who cares!!! Just find something/someone new! Is it any wonder that people of this generation are expected to change careers (not jobs, but total career changes) 13+ times in their lifetime?
We are not expected to stick anything out! The same goes in our marriages! I mean, doesn't it?!?! Society tells us, "If your spouse is not keeping you in blissful oblivion, find someone who will." Why on earth take vows and make a commitment if you are leaving a back door open? How about we take a stand and work on improving and fixing the situation rather than giving up?? (Novel concept, I know!) Every challenge you have will strengthen you and is happening for a reason. "With the joy of great victories, comes the pain of great difficulties." -Leslie Wolgamott
On the topic of marriage and relationships, I have a thought to share. All growing up, we are almost brain washed to expect "happily ever after", are we not? We are waiting for our prince charming to come and sweep us off our feet... or our beautiful fair maiden to rescue and ride off into the sunset with. Are we not, in these theories, looking for the one that will make us happy for the rest of our lives? The problem is, we are thinking that love is this fabulous, wonderful, elated emotional high and we expect them to make us feel this way forever! WRONG!!! What about our own role in the situation!?! No one can make us happy! Margaret Maxwell stated (this is not an exact quote), "My husband John does not make me happy and he never will. I realized that I am responsible for making myself happy, and John adds to my happiness immensely!" We can choose our attitude. We can be happy if we choose to. I am sure everyone has heard this same theory.
What about love? I would challenge everyone to view love the same way. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. We CHOOSE to love someone. If we view love in this way, I believe that it will help many to make a re-commitment to their relationships. It then becomes our own responsibility and we have to take ownership of the situation, rather than waiting for the other person to make us feel loved and happy. "Be the change you want to see." -Mahatma Gandhi
A few quotes about commitment that I would like to share:
"Most people are as committed as a kamikaze pilot on his 50th mission." -Dave Severn That is a funny but true statement.
"The quality of a person's life will be in direct proportion with their commitment to excellence."
-Vince Lombardy
"Commitment is a character quality, not an emotion." -Dave Severn
"It ain't about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." -Rocky Balboa
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Dealing With Problems
This could possibly be viewed as a touchy subject, but one that I feel needs to be hit on quite hard!! This is going to take lots of feedback, comments, and help from everyone.
We all have problems in our marriages. If you don't, you are lying! Ha! The question is, how do we deal with them effectively so that they don't compound and explode??? More importantly, for those who have reached their limit... done, finished, giving up.... Ready for the unspeakable "D word", what do you do?? No hope. Miserable. Can a marriage like this be saved???
First, I would like to say that everyone needs to realize that problems are ALWAYS 2 sided!! In order to fix a problem, we must be able to recognize our own role in it. If we are only playing the "blame game" we will get no where! We cannot expect change if we are saying, "If he/she does ____________, then I will be happy and it will be better." It is human nature to pass blame, and it makes us feel like our behaviors are justified. It takes a really mature person to accept the consequences for their actions. Often times, in this type of situation, both are playing the same game. They think that they don't want to make a move toward change until the other does, and they get locked into a very vicious cycle!!
So, how do we implement change?? I think it important to say here, that in order to make a marriage run smoothly, or to save one that is on the brink of destruction, both parties must be willing to change and put forth effort. If only one is willing to work hard, you will get no where, and will be wasting a huge amount of energy.
In order to properly address issues and how to help, we need to hear what you struggle with! What problems specifically are couples having?? Let's open some discussion and get feedback! We can all help eachother with our battles!
I would offer the suggestion to read the following books, if you have not already. I believe they are fundmental basics for every marriage and offer much insight and help. Excellent resources!! #1: Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs #2: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman #3: The Pulse by Tim Goad #4: Cracking the Communication Code by Emerson Eggerichs
We all have problems in our marriages. If you don't, you are lying! Ha! The question is, how do we deal with them effectively so that they don't compound and explode??? More importantly, for those who have reached their limit... done, finished, giving up.... Ready for the unspeakable "D word", what do you do?? No hope. Miserable. Can a marriage like this be saved???
First, I would like to say that everyone needs to realize that problems are ALWAYS 2 sided!! In order to fix a problem, we must be able to recognize our own role in it. If we are only playing the "blame game" we will get no where! We cannot expect change if we are saying, "If he/she does ____________, then I will be happy and it will be better." It is human nature to pass blame, and it makes us feel like our behaviors are justified. It takes a really mature person to accept the consequences for their actions. Often times, in this type of situation, both are playing the same game. They think that they don't want to make a move toward change until the other does, and they get locked into a very vicious cycle!!
So, how do we implement change?? I think it important to say here, that in order to make a marriage run smoothly, or to save one that is on the brink of destruction, both parties must be willing to change and put forth effort. If only one is willing to work hard, you will get no where, and will be wasting a huge amount of energy.
In order to properly address issues and how to help, we need to hear what you struggle with! What problems specifically are couples having?? Let's open some discussion and get feedback! We can all help eachother with our battles!
I would offer the suggestion to read the following books, if you have not already. I believe they are fundmental basics for every marriage and offer much insight and help. Excellent resources!! #1: Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs #2: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman #3: The Pulse by Tim Goad #4: Cracking the Communication Code by Emerson Eggerichs
Monday, April 13, 2009
Let's Talk!
Ok. The first post!!! I had to give myself a week' time for this because I didn't know what to discuss first! So many thoughts running through this brain of mine... The thing is, the week is gone and I still couldn't narrow it down... So, as a special, first post bonus (drum roll, please!) Double Topic Discussion! HA! I know you are all thrilled!! I am going to break this into 2 separate posts so that you can comment in the correct section. I am hoping that will help me to keep things straight in my own head.
So, with that said, here is topic #1:
How much different do you think our marriages would be if we treated our spouse as good as, or perhaps even better than we do our children? What would happen if we put our husband/wife first?? Their needs came first. How would our relationship be different??
I believe that we spend so much time catering to our children and so much energy raising them, and yes this is important, however, the one that we will spend the rest of forever with alone, after the children are gone, is the relationship that we tend to neglect the most! And another side to this... I also believe that we are raising future spouses. They are learning about marriage through our example, good or bad. Do you want your children to marry someone that treats them the way that we treat our spouse? Or the way our spouse treats us? In most cases, I would say, probably not! We want our children to marry someone that will love and adore them and treat them with the utmost love and respect, so why do we allow anything less in our own relationships???
I would like to put a challenge out there. I propose that we all take a week to analyze and watch our behavior with our spouse and see if we find ourselves treating them better or worse than our children. Let's even take it one step further. Make a log book where you can write down what you witness in your own home and also what you witness while in public with other couples. I would suggest keeping this book and using it as your journal as we make our way on this little journey! Keep track of your progress! Let's get honest with ourselves and see where we stand and then figure out how to correct our course.
So, with that said, here is topic #1:
How much different do you think our marriages would be if we treated our spouse as good as, or perhaps even better than we do our children? What would happen if we put our husband/wife first?? Their needs came first. How would our relationship be different??
I believe that we spend so much time catering to our children and so much energy raising them, and yes this is important, however, the one that we will spend the rest of forever with alone, after the children are gone, is the relationship that we tend to neglect the most! And another side to this... I also believe that we are raising future spouses. They are learning about marriage through our example, good or bad. Do you want your children to marry someone that treats them the way that we treat our spouse? Or the way our spouse treats us? In most cases, I would say, probably not! We want our children to marry someone that will love and adore them and treat them with the utmost love and respect, so why do we allow anything less in our own relationships???
I would like to put a challenge out there. I propose that we all take a week to analyze and watch our behavior with our spouse and see if we find ourselves treating them better or worse than our children. Let's even take it one step further. Make a log book where you can write down what you witness in your own home and also what you witness while in public with other couples. I would suggest keeping this book and using it as your journal as we make our way on this little journey! Keep track of your progress! Let's get honest with ourselves and see where we stand and then figure out how to correct our course.
Be Amazing!
Topic #2:
This is a little bit more self reflective. And a question leading to the question, if you will. For those who have children, how many of you really hope that your child will be just an Average Joe? None of us!! We want the star player, the head of the class, the over achiever!!! So, with that being said, let's put this into a bigger perspective...
Do you believe that God created us to be average, to just get by?? No way!!! He wants us to be Amazing, Successful, Extraordinary, Take a Stand, Make a Difference!!! He wants us to stretch ourselves, go where we don't think it is possible to go! So, why do so many of us settle for mediocre?? Why are we so content in the land of Ordinary?? What causes us to live so short of our God given potential?
Fear? Doubt? Discouragement? And if God created something amazing in us, how do we discover what it is? How do we bring ourselves to the realization that we are worth something? How do we uncover our buried greatness??
This is a little bit more self reflective. And a question leading to the question, if you will. For those who have children, how many of you really hope that your child will be just an Average Joe? None of us!! We want the star player, the head of the class, the over achiever!!! So, with that being said, let's put this into a bigger perspective...
Do you believe that God created us to be average, to just get by?? No way!!! He wants us to be Amazing, Successful, Extraordinary, Take a Stand, Make a Difference!!! He wants us to stretch ourselves, go where we don't think it is possible to go! So, why do so many of us settle for mediocre?? Why are we so content in the land of Ordinary?? What causes us to live so short of our God given potential?
Fear? Doubt? Discouragement? And if God created something amazing in us, how do we discover what it is? How do we bring ourselves to the realization that we are worth something? How do we uncover our buried greatness??
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Beginning
In order to start this off right, I think I need to give some background. So, I copied parts of one of the posts on my personal blog. (For those who read that one, sorry for the duplication.)
I have been thinking a lot over the past few months on how to make an impact and a difference in the world. My aspirations are HUGE and many of them will be only possible down the road. So, I have really been pondering the question... What can I do now???
I have two large heart-strings. The first is Marriage. I am sure that most of us feel the same way, but it really tears me up that there are so many failing at their wonderful and beautiful "Happily Ever Afters".
Second heart-string is empowerment. I want to help as many people as I can to be able to see their true potential and the true plan of what God has in store for their lives. I think that we tend to settle for mediocrity, but HE has a much bigger plan for us. HE wants us to be AMAZING not just average, and to lead lives of significance. This little journey stirring in my heart is part of my path to leading a life of significance!
I will post ideas, excerpts, topics and have open forum of discussion. We can all share our ideas and thoughts to help us along the way! At this time, please leave comments on this post with topics you all want to hear about!! What areas do we all want to focus on at this time??
Please spread the word so that we can have a huge impact!!! First official discussion post will be Wednesday, April 15, 2009!! So, Stay tuned and invite everyone you know!!
I have been thinking a lot over the past few months on how to make an impact and a difference in the world. My aspirations are HUGE and many of them will be only possible down the road. So, I have really been pondering the question... What can I do now???
I have two large heart-strings. The first is Marriage. I am sure that most of us feel the same way, but it really tears me up that there are so many failing at their wonderful and beautiful "Happily Ever Afters".
Second heart-string is empowerment. I want to help as many people as I can to be able to see their true potential and the true plan of what God has in store for their lives. I think that we tend to settle for mediocrity, but HE has a much bigger plan for us. HE wants us to be AMAZING not just average, and to lead lives of significance. This little journey stirring in my heart is part of my path to leading a life of significance!
I will post ideas, excerpts, topics and have open forum of discussion. We can all share our ideas and thoughts to help us along the way! At this time, please leave comments on this post with topics you all want to hear about!! What areas do we all want to focus on at this time??
Please spread the word so that we can have a huge impact!!! First official discussion post will be Wednesday, April 15, 2009!! So, Stay tuned and invite everyone you know!!
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