"Trust implies accountability, predictability, and reliability. More than anything else, followers want to believe in and trust their leaders. They want to be able to say, "Someday I want to be like him or her." People first must believe in you before they will follow your leadership.
Trust must be built day by day. It calls for consistency. Some of the ways a leader can betray trust include: breaking promises, gossiping, with-holding information, and being two-faced. These actions destroy the environment of trust necessary for the growth of potential leaders. And when a leader breaks trust, he must work twice as hard to regain it." -John C. Maxwell
I found this passage in The Maxwell Daily Reader. I read this and was impressed with its compatibility not only with leadership relationships, but also marital relationships. If we are taking a proactive stance to change and improve our relationship, we are accepting a leadership role. Dr. Maxwell goes on to give the following description of the word TRUST.
Time: Take time to listen and give feedback on performance.
Respect: Give someone respect and he will return it with trust.
Unconditional Positive Regard: Show acceptance of the person.
Sensitivity: Anticipate feelings and needs.
Touch: Give encouragement- Handshake, high five, pat on the back. (Marital touch can be a bit more intimate, but you get the picture...)
I feel that some crucial characteristics of being a trustworthy individual are Excellence and Integrity. What does it mean to be a person of excellence and integrity? A person of excellence and integrity will go the extra mile. He will keep his word at ALL times, including when it is difficult...
"For many people, mediocrity is the norm; they want to do as little as they possibly can and still get by. But God did not create us to be mediocre or average. He doesn't want us to just barely get by, or to do what everybody else is doing. God has called us to be a cut above. He's called us to stand out in the crowd, to be people of excellence and integrity.... God doesn't bless mediocrity. He blesses excellence." -Joel Osteen
I felt impressed to bring up this topic because I feel that lack of trust can be a huge barrier in trying to rebuild a relationship. Rebuilding trust is no easy task, and as stated above, once broken, the individual must work twice as hard to regain it. Many individuals I have been talking with have been applying new principles in their relationships, which is fantastic, but they are expecting immediate changes. You must be understanding in realizing that your spouse may not be ready to jump on board because they have reservations with past trust issues. Be consistent, keep a positive attitude, and don't give up!!! It will happen!!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Protecting Your Marriage
I would like to first apologize for my lack of posting the last couple of weeks. Life and spring-time has gotten the best of me :) I must confess, I am a bit of a warm weather lover and cannot help but be outside constantly... Forgive me.
I would next like to thank those who have been emailing me with their experiences on having a "Servant Heart"!! I have been overwhelmed with the wonderful outcomes from many of you!!! I will be requesting permission from some of you to share your stories with everyone over the next few weeks!!! For now, keep the emails coming, and don't let a new post stop you from continuing to serve!!! ( for those who are not aware, the email is posted on the left side of the blog, but I will also write it here. thinking_e@yahoo.com)
Ok, now onto our feature presentation...
I am going to be referring often to a great little book called, "Moments With the Hope Giver" by The Goad Family. Toward the end of the book there is a chapter entitled "Protecting Your Marriage", which has inspired me for this week's post. I would like to share a few excellent points from this chapter. I do truly believe that all of us desire a great marriage and want to protect them!! Here are a few simple things we can do... And simple is great because it is something we can implement immediately!!!
1. Be Each Other's Best Friend:
*Be each other's GREATEST encourager
*Believe in each other
*Build each other up (in other words, uplift and EDIFY!!)
*SERVE each other (I think we covered this last post :)
*Don't take each other for granted
*Laugh often!
2. Have a Deep Commitment
*Get into the deep; don't be commitment lazy
* Honor your spouse in front of your friends!! ( oh, sooooooo HUGE!!!!)
*Commit to a date night once a week and a least two trips a year together!
3. Add Value by Honoring, Appreciating and Esteeming Your Mate
* Don't compare, complain, criticize or compete
*Remember even the little things your spouse does should be appreciated
*EDIFY and build each other up!
I would next like to thank those who have been emailing me with their experiences on having a "Servant Heart"!! I have been overwhelmed with the wonderful outcomes from many of you!!! I will be requesting permission from some of you to share your stories with everyone over the next few weeks!!! For now, keep the emails coming, and don't let a new post stop you from continuing to serve!!! ( for those who are not aware, the email is posted on the left side of the blog, but I will also write it here. thinking_e@yahoo.com)
Ok, now onto our feature presentation...
I am going to be referring often to a great little book called, "Moments With the Hope Giver" by The Goad Family. Toward the end of the book there is a chapter entitled "Protecting Your Marriage", which has inspired me for this week's post. I would like to share a few excellent points from this chapter. I do truly believe that all of us desire a great marriage and want to protect them!! Here are a few simple things we can do... And simple is great because it is something we can implement immediately!!!
1. Be Each Other's Best Friend:
*Be each other's GREATEST encourager
*Believe in each other
*Build each other up (in other words, uplift and EDIFY!!)
*SERVE each other (I think we covered this last post :)
*Don't take each other for granted
*Laugh often!
2. Have a Deep Commitment
*Get into the deep; don't be commitment lazy
* Honor your spouse in front of your friends!! ( oh, sooooooo HUGE!!!!)
*Commit to a date night once a week and a least two trips a year together!
3. Add Value by Honoring, Appreciating and Esteeming Your Mate
* Don't compare, complain, criticize or compete
*Remember even the little things your spouse does should be appreciated
*EDIFY and build each other up!
I would like to extend the next challenge! This week think of 5 things you love about your spouse and share those with him/her! Also, think about how you show love and admiration to your spouse? What are some new (or improved) ways of doing this??
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
A Servant Heart
"We need to be more seed-oriented than need-oriented. In your time of need, don't sit around thinking about what you lack. Think about what kind of seed you can sow to get yourself out of that need." -Joel Osteen
This week's discussion is focused on a servant heart and being a servant leader. I will be citing a lot from Joel Osteen's book "Your Best Life Now." He has an entire, fantastic section that is on this very subject. You may not realize it, but it is extremely selfish to go around always dwelling on your problems, always thinking about what you want or need, and hardly noticing the many needs of others all around you. One other wonderful book I would like to plug here is called "The Generosity Factor" by Ken Blanchard and S. Truett Cathy.
We can each help to make a difference in the life of someone else. Help ease some body's burden, send a kind word, pay a compliment, give a hug, bake cookies, mow some one's lawn, volunteer at a children's or Seniors center. Even when times are tough and we feel that we do not have anything to give monetarily, there are always things we can do that don't cost us a thing!! The thing of it is, when we are serving others, it lifts our own spirits. We forget about our own problems. We are happier. If you are having ill feelings toward a certain person, go out of your way to serve that individual. This will do a couple of things. First, it puts our own heart in the right place. It is very difficult to harbor hard feelings toward someone when you are looking for ways to serve them. God doesn't operate that way. Second, it will soften their hearts toward us. Third, we just feel better, don't we??
This can work in any relationship, including your marriage. My good friends, Tim and Gaye Goad, told me a story a couple of months ago. A woman who was having major marital struggles went to a lawyer to discuss divorce options. She was angry, bitter, and resentful. She told her lawyer, "I want to make him pay! I want him to regret everything he ever did!" Her attorney's advice was simply to make this next two weeks utter Hell for him. Make his favorite meals. Wear his favorite dresses. Be extra affectionate. Treat him like a king! Then slap him with the papers! You will end your marriage on the note that he will remember everyday how good he had it and how much he missed! Well, weeks and months went by. He never heard back from this woman. So, he called her to see what was going on. You know what she told him?? You guessed it! When she started serving this man, it changed her heart, and her husbands. Their marriage was beginning to heal itself.
My challenge this week is to get out of our comfort zones a little! Wake up everyday and pray to God about who we can serve and bless! Wake up with the attitude that says, "I am going to make somebody else happy today, I am going to meet somebody else's need!" Watch for opportunities where you normally wouldn't! Let's see how many lives we can impact! Take our eyes off of ourselves and focus on others!!! I know we can make a difference, even if it is one smile at a time! Let's all share our experiences!! Pay it forward!
"I'm convinced that many people would receive the miracle they have been praying about if they would simply run their attention away from themselves, away from thier own needs and problems, and start to focus on being a blessing to other people. All too often we spend most of our time trying to be blessed. We should concentrate more on being a blessing than trying to be blessed" -Joel Osteen
This week's discussion is focused on a servant heart and being a servant leader. I will be citing a lot from Joel Osteen's book "Your Best Life Now." He has an entire, fantastic section that is on this very subject. You may not realize it, but it is extremely selfish to go around always dwelling on your problems, always thinking about what you want or need, and hardly noticing the many needs of others all around you. One other wonderful book I would like to plug here is called "The Generosity Factor" by Ken Blanchard and S. Truett Cathy.
We can each help to make a difference in the life of someone else. Help ease some body's burden, send a kind word, pay a compliment, give a hug, bake cookies, mow some one's lawn, volunteer at a children's or Seniors center. Even when times are tough and we feel that we do not have anything to give monetarily, there are always things we can do that don't cost us a thing!! The thing of it is, when we are serving others, it lifts our own spirits. We forget about our own problems. We are happier. If you are having ill feelings toward a certain person, go out of your way to serve that individual. This will do a couple of things. First, it puts our own heart in the right place. It is very difficult to harbor hard feelings toward someone when you are looking for ways to serve them. God doesn't operate that way. Second, it will soften their hearts toward us. Third, we just feel better, don't we??
This can work in any relationship, including your marriage. My good friends, Tim and Gaye Goad, told me a story a couple of months ago. A woman who was having major marital struggles went to a lawyer to discuss divorce options. She was angry, bitter, and resentful. She told her lawyer, "I want to make him pay! I want him to regret everything he ever did!" Her attorney's advice was simply to make this next two weeks utter Hell for him. Make his favorite meals. Wear his favorite dresses. Be extra affectionate. Treat him like a king! Then slap him with the papers! You will end your marriage on the note that he will remember everyday how good he had it and how much he missed! Well, weeks and months went by. He never heard back from this woman. So, he called her to see what was going on. You know what she told him?? You guessed it! When she started serving this man, it changed her heart, and her husbands. Their marriage was beginning to heal itself.
My challenge this week is to get out of our comfort zones a little! Wake up everyday and pray to God about who we can serve and bless! Wake up with the attitude that says, "I am going to make somebody else happy today, I am going to meet somebody else's need!" Watch for opportunities where you normally wouldn't! Let's see how many lives we can impact! Take our eyes off of ourselves and focus on others!!! I know we can make a difference, even if it is one smile at a time! Let's all share our experiences!! Pay it forward!
"I'm convinced that many people would receive the miracle they have been praying about if they would simply run their attention away from themselves, away from thier own needs and problems, and start to focus on being a blessing to other people. All too often we spend most of our time trying to be blessed. We should concentrate more on being a blessing than trying to be blessed" -Joel Osteen
Monday, April 27, 2009
Commitment
This post is designed to go 2 ways. You can interpret what is written for your marriage or self development. Either way, the concept is the same.
My biggest impression this week is related to the topic of commitment. I have been feeling a lot of resentment towards society and media of late on this topic. It is the hot thing to "Do what you feel like". It is my opinion that this is causing an epidemic of fickleness and non-commitment. We are shown that if its not fun and isn't what we feel like doing or maybe isn't a smooth ride, well who cares!!! Just find something/someone new! Is it any wonder that people of this generation are expected to change careers (not jobs, but total career changes) 13+ times in their lifetime?
We are not expected to stick anything out! The same goes in our marriages! I mean, doesn't it?!?! Society tells us, "If your spouse is not keeping you in blissful oblivion, find someone who will." Why on earth take vows and make a commitment if you are leaving a back door open? How about we take a stand and work on improving and fixing the situation rather than giving up?? (Novel concept, I know!) Every challenge you have will strengthen you and is happening for a reason. "With the joy of great victories, comes the pain of great difficulties." -Leslie Wolgamott
On the topic of marriage and relationships, I have a thought to share. All growing up, we are almost brain washed to expect "happily ever after", are we not? We are waiting for our prince charming to come and sweep us off our feet... or our beautiful fair maiden to rescue and ride off into the sunset with. Are we not, in these theories, looking for the one that will make us happy for the rest of our lives? The problem is, we are thinking that love is this fabulous, wonderful, elated emotional high and we expect them to make us feel this way forever! WRONG!!! What about our own role in the situation!?! No one can make us happy! Margaret Maxwell stated (this is not an exact quote), "My husband John does not make me happy and he never will. I realized that I am responsible for making myself happy, and John adds to my happiness immensely!" We can choose our attitude. We can be happy if we choose to. I am sure everyone has heard this same theory.
What about love? I would challenge everyone to view love the same way. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. We CHOOSE to love someone. If we view love in this way, I believe that it will help many to make a re-commitment to their relationships. It then becomes our own responsibility and we have to take ownership of the situation, rather than waiting for the other person to make us feel loved and happy. "Be the change you want to see." -Mahatma Gandhi
A few quotes about commitment that I would like to share:
"Most people are as committed as a kamikaze pilot on his 50th mission." -Dave Severn That is a funny but true statement.
"The quality of a person's life will be in direct proportion with their commitment to excellence."
-Vince Lombardy
"Commitment is a character quality, not an emotion." -Dave Severn
"It ain't about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." -Rocky Balboa
My biggest impression this week is related to the topic of commitment. I have been feeling a lot of resentment towards society and media of late on this topic. It is the hot thing to "Do what you feel like". It is my opinion that this is causing an epidemic of fickleness and non-commitment. We are shown that if its not fun and isn't what we feel like doing or maybe isn't a smooth ride, well who cares!!! Just find something/someone new! Is it any wonder that people of this generation are expected to change careers (not jobs, but total career changes) 13+ times in their lifetime?
We are not expected to stick anything out! The same goes in our marriages! I mean, doesn't it?!?! Society tells us, "If your spouse is not keeping you in blissful oblivion, find someone who will." Why on earth take vows and make a commitment if you are leaving a back door open? How about we take a stand and work on improving and fixing the situation rather than giving up?? (Novel concept, I know!) Every challenge you have will strengthen you and is happening for a reason. "With the joy of great victories, comes the pain of great difficulties." -Leslie Wolgamott
On the topic of marriage and relationships, I have a thought to share. All growing up, we are almost brain washed to expect "happily ever after", are we not? We are waiting for our prince charming to come and sweep us off our feet... or our beautiful fair maiden to rescue and ride off into the sunset with. Are we not, in these theories, looking for the one that will make us happy for the rest of our lives? The problem is, we are thinking that love is this fabulous, wonderful, elated emotional high and we expect them to make us feel this way forever! WRONG!!! What about our own role in the situation!?! No one can make us happy! Margaret Maxwell stated (this is not an exact quote), "My husband John does not make me happy and he never will. I realized that I am responsible for making myself happy, and John adds to my happiness immensely!" We can choose our attitude. We can be happy if we choose to. I am sure everyone has heard this same theory.
What about love? I would challenge everyone to view love the same way. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. We CHOOSE to love someone. If we view love in this way, I believe that it will help many to make a re-commitment to their relationships. It then becomes our own responsibility and we have to take ownership of the situation, rather than waiting for the other person to make us feel loved and happy. "Be the change you want to see." -Mahatma Gandhi
A few quotes about commitment that I would like to share:
"Most people are as committed as a kamikaze pilot on his 50th mission." -Dave Severn That is a funny but true statement.
"The quality of a person's life will be in direct proportion with their commitment to excellence."
-Vince Lombardy
"Commitment is a character quality, not an emotion." -Dave Severn
"It ain't about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." -Rocky Balboa
Monday, April 20, 2009
Dealing With Problems
This could possibly be viewed as a touchy subject, but one that I feel needs to be hit on quite hard!! This is going to take lots of feedback, comments, and help from everyone.
We all have problems in our marriages. If you don't, you are lying! Ha! The question is, how do we deal with them effectively so that they don't compound and explode??? More importantly, for those who have reached their limit... done, finished, giving up.... Ready for the unspeakable "D word", what do you do?? No hope. Miserable. Can a marriage like this be saved???
First, I would like to say that everyone needs to realize that problems are ALWAYS 2 sided!! In order to fix a problem, we must be able to recognize our own role in it. If we are only playing the "blame game" we will get no where! We cannot expect change if we are saying, "If he/she does ____________, then I will be happy and it will be better." It is human nature to pass blame, and it makes us feel like our behaviors are justified. It takes a really mature person to accept the consequences for their actions. Often times, in this type of situation, both are playing the same game. They think that they don't want to make a move toward change until the other does, and they get locked into a very vicious cycle!!
So, how do we implement change?? I think it important to say here, that in order to make a marriage run smoothly, or to save one that is on the brink of destruction, both parties must be willing to change and put forth effort. If only one is willing to work hard, you will get no where, and will be wasting a huge amount of energy.
In order to properly address issues and how to help, we need to hear what you struggle with! What problems specifically are couples having?? Let's open some discussion and get feedback! We can all help eachother with our battles!
I would offer the suggestion to read the following books, if you have not already. I believe they are fundmental basics for every marriage and offer much insight and help. Excellent resources!! #1: Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs #2: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman #3: The Pulse by Tim Goad #4: Cracking the Communication Code by Emerson Eggerichs
We all have problems in our marriages. If you don't, you are lying! Ha! The question is, how do we deal with them effectively so that they don't compound and explode??? More importantly, for those who have reached their limit... done, finished, giving up.... Ready for the unspeakable "D word", what do you do?? No hope. Miserable. Can a marriage like this be saved???
First, I would like to say that everyone needs to realize that problems are ALWAYS 2 sided!! In order to fix a problem, we must be able to recognize our own role in it. If we are only playing the "blame game" we will get no where! We cannot expect change if we are saying, "If he/she does ____________, then I will be happy and it will be better." It is human nature to pass blame, and it makes us feel like our behaviors are justified. It takes a really mature person to accept the consequences for their actions. Often times, in this type of situation, both are playing the same game. They think that they don't want to make a move toward change until the other does, and they get locked into a very vicious cycle!!
So, how do we implement change?? I think it important to say here, that in order to make a marriage run smoothly, or to save one that is on the brink of destruction, both parties must be willing to change and put forth effort. If only one is willing to work hard, you will get no where, and will be wasting a huge amount of energy.
In order to properly address issues and how to help, we need to hear what you struggle with! What problems specifically are couples having?? Let's open some discussion and get feedback! We can all help eachother with our battles!
I would offer the suggestion to read the following books, if you have not already. I believe they are fundmental basics for every marriage and offer much insight and help. Excellent resources!! #1: Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs #2: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman #3: The Pulse by Tim Goad #4: Cracking the Communication Code by Emerson Eggerichs
Monday, April 13, 2009
Let's Talk!
Ok. The first post!!! I had to give myself a week' time for this because I didn't know what to discuss first! So many thoughts running through this brain of mine... The thing is, the week is gone and I still couldn't narrow it down... So, as a special, first post bonus (drum roll, please!) Double Topic Discussion! HA! I know you are all thrilled!! I am going to break this into 2 separate posts so that you can comment in the correct section. I am hoping that will help me to keep things straight in my own head.
So, with that said, here is topic #1:
How much different do you think our marriages would be if we treated our spouse as good as, or perhaps even better than we do our children? What would happen if we put our husband/wife first?? Their needs came first. How would our relationship be different??
I believe that we spend so much time catering to our children and so much energy raising them, and yes this is important, however, the one that we will spend the rest of forever with alone, after the children are gone, is the relationship that we tend to neglect the most! And another side to this... I also believe that we are raising future spouses. They are learning about marriage through our example, good or bad. Do you want your children to marry someone that treats them the way that we treat our spouse? Or the way our spouse treats us? In most cases, I would say, probably not! We want our children to marry someone that will love and adore them and treat them with the utmost love and respect, so why do we allow anything less in our own relationships???
I would like to put a challenge out there. I propose that we all take a week to analyze and watch our behavior with our spouse and see if we find ourselves treating them better or worse than our children. Let's even take it one step further. Make a log book where you can write down what you witness in your own home and also what you witness while in public with other couples. I would suggest keeping this book and using it as your journal as we make our way on this little journey! Keep track of your progress! Let's get honest with ourselves and see where we stand and then figure out how to correct our course.
So, with that said, here is topic #1:
How much different do you think our marriages would be if we treated our spouse as good as, or perhaps even better than we do our children? What would happen if we put our husband/wife first?? Their needs came first. How would our relationship be different??
I believe that we spend so much time catering to our children and so much energy raising them, and yes this is important, however, the one that we will spend the rest of forever with alone, after the children are gone, is the relationship that we tend to neglect the most! And another side to this... I also believe that we are raising future spouses. They are learning about marriage through our example, good or bad. Do you want your children to marry someone that treats them the way that we treat our spouse? Or the way our spouse treats us? In most cases, I would say, probably not! We want our children to marry someone that will love and adore them and treat them with the utmost love and respect, so why do we allow anything less in our own relationships???
I would like to put a challenge out there. I propose that we all take a week to analyze and watch our behavior with our spouse and see if we find ourselves treating them better or worse than our children. Let's even take it one step further. Make a log book where you can write down what you witness in your own home and also what you witness while in public with other couples. I would suggest keeping this book and using it as your journal as we make our way on this little journey! Keep track of your progress! Let's get honest with ourselves and see where we stand and then figure out how to correct our course.
Be Amazing!
Topic #2:
This is a little bit more self reflective. And a question leading to the question, if you will. For those who have children, how many of you really hope that your child will be just an Average Joe? None of us!! We want the star player, the head of the class, the over achiever!!! So, with that being said, let's put this into a bigger perspective...
Do you believe that God created us to be average, to just get by?? No way!!! He wants us to be Amazing, Successful, Extraordinary, Take a Stand, Make a Difference!!! He wants us to stretch ourselves, go where we don't think it is possible to go! So, why do so many of us settle for mediocre?? Why are we so content in the land of Ordinary?? What causes us to live so short of our God given potential?
Fear? Doubt? Discouragement? And if God created something amazing in us, how do we discover what it is? How do we bring ourselves to the realization that we are worth something? How do we uncover our buried greatness??
This is a little bit more self reflective. And a question leading to the question, if you will. For those who have children, how many of you really hope that your child will be just an Average Joe? None of us!! We want the star player, the head of the class, the over achiever!!! So, with that being said, let's put this into a bigger perspective...
Do you believe that God created us to be average, to just get by?? No way!!! He wants us to be Amazing, Successful, Extraordinary, Take a Stand, Make a Difference!!! He wants us to stretch ourselves, go where we don't think it is possible to go! So, why do so many of us settle for mediocre?? Why are we so content in the land of Ordinary?? What causes us to live so short of our God given potential?
Fear? Doubt? Discouragement? And if God created something amazing in us, how do we discover what it is? How do we bring ourselves to the realization that we are worth something? How do we uncover our buried greatness??
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